"Man, that was great," Trevor says at 4am after everyone else is enjoying a Red Alert 2 night cap. Trevor hates Red Alert 2: "It's too unrealistic," he says, "The dogs are too powerful. There's no way a dog would be able to take out that many men. Games are stupid when they're that unrealistic." So me and Trevor are playing Gauntlet Legends on the Dreamcast instead. He's the red Valkyrie. I'm the yellow Wizard. We're moving through a desert level, plowing through snakes and mummies. "Yeah, Serious Sam is pretty intense," I admit, "But is it really worth reinstalling old video drivers every time we want to play?" "What are you talking about? Of course it's worth it. There's nothing like Serious Sam. It's totally unique." Trevor is running around the level grabbing gold while I'm shooting monsters. "Hey, quit hogging all the experience," he says. "KISS Psycho Circus is like Serious Sam," I offer. "Does it have multiplayer co-op?" Trevor takes a detour to pick up a few keys to unlock chests which might have more gold in them. "I don't know. I think so." I'm getting pounded by about twenty mummies while Trevor stands back and shoots. "Yeah, but who wants to play a KISS game. I mean, you know 'Beth' was pretty cool, but all the rest of it? I don't know. You didn't need that potion, did you?" Trevor picks up an acid potion before I can explain that potions are more powerful when used by Wizards like me rather than Valkyries like him. "Actually, there's very little actual KISS content in Psycho Circus." "Well, then what's the point? Hey, didn't Old Man Murray publish Serious Sam or something?" "No, but some people say they kind of discovered it." "They did." "I don't know. I remember hearing about it before Old Man Murray mentioned it." "No way. You're just jealous because your Two Forty-five site isn't as funny as they are." Trevor knows it's called Quarter to Three. "Well, they're very different from what we do." "Yeah, whatever. They're still funnier. And you know, I've met those guys." "What guys?" "Those Old Man Murray guys. Chet, Erik, Murray, all of them. I hung out with them once when they were in town." "Chet's a character they invented. He's not even real." "Neither am I, but that doesn't stop you." Trevor figures out the 'X' button throws potions. "Hey, check it out." He flings all four of his potions at a pair of snakes. "You might want to save those. Anyway," I continue, "the point is Serious Sam is good, but it's not that big a deal. It's a competent engine. It's old school simple gameplay. It's most remarkable for being developed in Croatia." "Big deal. Lots of games come from Canada. Hell, Paul Shaffer's from Canada." "Croatia isn't in Canada." "I thought it was the capital of Nova Scotia." "No. It's in the Balkans." "Then what's the capital of Nova Scotia?" "I don't know." "Whatever. So it's someplace cold with foreigners. Who cares? Serious Sam seriously rocks. You can quote me on that." "'Serious Sam seriously rocks'? That sounds like something a twelve year old would say." "I read it in PC Gamer."
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