60 Second Review of…

Anne McCaffrey's Freedom: First Resistance

Tom's Review: This game has it all! Tedious missions, a dopey story, and unmanageable combat. What more do you want? How about flat graphics? Uninteresting levels? An awkward save and reload system? But wait, there's more! You're forced to listen to reams and reams of spoken dialogue. Because the game is about a race of alien cats who invade Earth, my favorite part of this game was pretending I was a writer for the late PC Accelerator and trying to think up some sophomoric joke about pussy taking over the world. My next favorite part of Freedom was uninstalling it, at which point I stopped trying to think up a joke about pussy taking over the world. There is absolutely nothing — let me repeat — nothing to recommend this game. When it hits the bargain bins any day now, it will make a great booby prize. Pick up a few $1.99 copies next month to dismay your friends and confound your enemies.

Mark's Review: I was emotionally arrested at the age of 14 and I'm still trying to make bail, so I'll happily take the PCXL low road. "Earthlings are pussy-whipped!" "Mankind enslaved by pussies!" "Attention all members of the human race, the pussies are here!" I read the first Catteni novel that the game was inspired by, and near the end the female hero and one of the alien cats actually do the dirty. Worse, he's got a cat penis that's much larger than our human ones, so the chick really digs it. Talk about felinus dickus enormous — she's purring afterwards! What a kick in the nuts to our fragile male egos! Anne McCaffery, why do you hate us human males? Why? Er, I'd write about the game now but my 60 seconds are up. So...what Tom said!

Read our 60 Second Preview of this game.

Comments? Want to make your own PC Accelerator joke? Post 'em here!

Publisher: UbiSoft
Developer: Red Storm
Genre: Adventure/action soporific
Requirements: Pentium III, 128MB RAM, 3D accelerator, 1 gigabyte hard drive space

February 2, 2001

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