River raids in Assassin’s Creed Valhalla would be better with dad jokes

You’re probably playing that other Viking game now. Valheim is the game du jour. It’s $20 on Steam, looks great, and unlike many early access survival crafting games, it’s not a broken mess of potential. If you haven’t been wooed by the siren call of chopping wood and building huts in a pixelated procedurally generated Norse afterlife, you’re probably still hanging out in the largely static superhero action of Assassin’s Creed Valhalla. Don’t be sad. Ubisoft is bringing a bounty of goodies to lonely Eivors in the 1.1.2 title update.

Prepare your Jomsviking crew for this new highly replayable mode that will take you to unexplored regions of England, which is full of raiding opportunities. New loot, rewards, and challenges await the Raven Clan!

River raids are coming, and with them, players can get new abilities and skills. The Assassin Slide lets you sprint into enemies and dive into their legs to knock them over. Power Stroke pushes your raiding crew to boost your ship’s speed. Berserker Trap fits a bag of rage-inducing powder to your arrow, which you can shoot into surfaces creating a drugged booby trap. If none of those are your style, there’s Shoulder Bash which does exactly what it sounds like. Why that needs to be a thing you unlock is a mystery for Odin.

Unfortunately, the patch notes don’t say a thing about adding more goofball stories to listen to while sailing down the byways of England. Imagine the possibilities for a Jungle Cruise style tour guide bit just before you crash into the dock of a monastery and set fire to the surrounding houses.