Worst thing you’ll see all week: Devil’s Pass

It’s been a long time since director Renny Harlin dropped a screaming blonde woman down a chasm, sucked Cary Elwes up into a tornado, and fed Samuel Jackson to a shark. Those were the days. And what is he reduced to now? Giving cameras to good-looking talentless actors and letting them traipse around the wilderness for yet another half-assed Blair Witch Project found-footage wanna-be. Welcome to Devil’s Pass. You might think Harlin could wring some local flavor out of the story’s attempt at a Bermuda Triangle in the Urals, where the characters ponder whether they’ll face a yeti, UFOs, or Russian secret experiments. But all you get is 90% dull travelogue — “Whee, we’re in Russia!” — and 9% Grave Encounters rip-off in which CG monsters shriek at the camera in that familiar night-vision green. The remaining 1% is a CG avalanche. At night. Dark Pass’s real accomplishment is making Chernobyl Diaries, another horrible movie about found footage in secret Russian installations, look good. You’re better off just reinstalling STALKER, where the abandoned Soviet military bases are free of annoying actors and poorly shot found footage.

Dark Pass is available on VOD. Don’t bother.