Worst thing you’ll see all week: Wicked Little Things

One of the prerequisites for being a zombie fan is that you must have low standards, because you’re going to be watching a lot of junk. Take, for example, Wicked Little Things. Please. The twist in this zombie movie is that it’s zombie kids, out for revenge because they were exploited for their labor in Appalachian coal mines. Now that’s not the most outrageous zombie twist I’ve ever seen. That distinction goes to a British movie called Devil’s Playground, where the zombies do Parkour.

To its credit, Wicked Little Things tries to be about three strong female characters. Unfortunately, two of those strong female characters are played by the wooden Lori Heuring and the sullen Scout Taylor-Compton. The movie’s best claim to a redeeming feature is a young (well, younger) Chloe Moretz. She plays the equivalent of the little girl in Poltergeist who’s in tune with all the scary stuff the adults don’t grok. She ends up being an emissary between the kid zombies and the grown-up humans. It’s pretty stupid and it involves pouring a lot of blood on the actors for no good reason.

Another thing this movie has going for it is the title. Wicked Little Things is about as good as horror movie titles get, even if it does put me in mind of Denise Richards and Neve Campbell making out in a swimming pool. Speaking of which, is it weird to feel protective of Chloe Moretz? I cringe to think of all the pitfalls in store for an actress with her talent. Hopefully, it won’t get any worse than last year’s Let Me In.