I object to the lack of documentation in Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3

I have no idea what’s going on in Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3. All I know is that when I play as Phoenix Wright, my special ability is to lie down and pull an Asian woman out of my pants. It must be a Japanese thing.

It’s particularly infuriating, because whatever’s going on with Phoenix Wright, I think he’s a character I want to play. Looking over the move list in the pause screen shows that he can toggle between investigation mode, in which he picks up items and puts them into folders, and trial mode, in which he uses the items for different kinds of attacks. He’s got a third mode, but search me if I know how to activate it or what it does. Of course, the mission mode — what a misleading name for a mostly useless feature — quickly slams me against a wall in which I’m learning nothing about the character and I’m instead learning that I can’t figure out the split-second timing it takes to get two mediums, a heavy, and a special attack during an air combo. I don’t need a mission mode to tell me that.

I really want to play the new characters in Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3, but Capcom can’t be arsed to teach me how. Which reminds me why Marvel vs. Capcom 3 (a.k.a. Penultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3) was both my favorite game of the year and my most disappointing game of the year back in July.