Worst thing you’ll see all week: Days of Darkness

Days of Darkness is a no-budget horror movie (Netflix instant view here) about a comet that turns people into zombies whose penises fall off and are replaced by baby zombie embryos. The movie manages about ten people to play its zombie horde [sic] because, I presume, most of the budget went to raw meat for a handful of gross-out autopsy scenes.

After this 2007 bit of dreck, writer/director Jake Kennedy will go on to do the truly tasteless Penance, which is sort of like Showgirls meets Hostel. But in Days of Darkness, there are signs that he doesn’t take himself so seriously. For instance, the token minority is a car salesman who, at one point, takes off his shirt to tend to a wounded survivor. Later in the scene, he asks if anyone has a clean shirt.

“I do,” says the straight-laced young girl who will, of course, take her shirt off later in the movie.

Cut to him dressed as above. You’ll note that he’s weilding the blade from one of those paper cutters like they have at Kinko’s (I believe a movie called Operation Endgame — think The Office meets Battle Royale — will use that same trick a few years later). There’s almost nothing to recommend Days of Darkness, but the above taste of Dead Rising nearly made it worth my while.