Did you see all the hotkeys associated with grenades? This game didn't need lag problems to suck, it does it all on its own! How in the world is this even supposed to be remotely fun?

Spotter: Here comes a tank. Hurry, throw a grenade!

Thrower: Let's see, shift-7 to look for obvious defects. Hmm. No obvious defects. Better shift-8 for less obvious defects. Aha! A defect! Now, shift-Enter to see the "Grenade Alert Screen".

Spotter: Dude, did you go to the bathroom?

Thrower: Control-8 to fix the defect. Darn, it isn't fixable. I will have to trade it in at the Flag Center in the Resource Station by pressing alt-M. I'd better put it away and get out another one. Ctrl-L to make sure that the safety pin didn't come loose. Alt-R to attach it to my clothing via the pull ring (for historical accuracy). Now, I'll just get out this other grenade and inspect it for defects (shift-7, shift-8). No defects, so now ctrl-L to make sure that the fuse hasn't come unscrewed from the body. Better inspect it for dirt and grime by pressing shift-L.

Spotter: Hello? The enemy tank has passed, but a platoon of Nazi's are coming. Get that grenade ready.

Thrower: Oh, it's gotten dirty. Now, I activate my damp cloth by pressing M, and press shift-M to wipe the grenade several times. All clean! Oh, silly me, this is the grenade I fooled around with using the alt-P/shift-P commands. Let me get this other one...ctrl-L...alt-R.

Spotter: Here they come...

Thrower: Get grenade...shift-7...shift-8...shift-Enter...ctrl-8...shift-L...M...shift-M (3 times). Now, ctrl-V to open the ammunition pouch, use the shift key and the hat control on the joystick to rotate the grenade until the pull ring is pointed down. J to remove the safety clip, J to pull the pin...

Spotter: They passed us again! Do you need my damp cloth to wipe your grenade?

Thrower: ...J to throw. Now, to find cover...

Spotter: I hate you.

What's even funnier is that they have run out of hotkeys to place a satchel charge. They want you to purchase a USB barcode reader and put the "Place satchel charge" COLLECTIBLE FOIL barcode sticker ON your computer.

Seriously, there must be a pharmaceutical explanation for this.

I have no clue what you're talking about (WW2O?) but this write-up was quite amusing.

LOL! Great post Reeko!

I read the link from the OMM site and at first thought it was serious because of some of the insanity involved with the commands in the game. My boss bought the game and brought it in so we could try it out. The commands just to fire a rifle were about the same as those to throw a genade!

But then I read the URL and realized Erik had fooled me good. Little bastard...

Cut and pasted from the official WW2 Online forums:

"Found this on the web and sent the following E-Mail to CRS.

Hi I am currently playing WW II online and enjoy the game immensly, and look forward to it's continued development. I found this link on www.evil-avatar .com to this link http://www.oldmanmurray.com/features/ww2online/ww2main.htm. While it is an obvious parody and meant to be humerous The page has used artwork form your page at your expense. The "Play Now Button" links to your server page, as do all other links at playnet , and the news item is signed by Mo <well not the real Mo, anyway). Although I appreciate humor like anyone else, this page has an official look to it, which I do not appreciate, and could be construed as a misrepresentation of you product. I hope this is the correct place to send this, but I think the webmaster of this page should be contacted and remove the items that are you property."

Well, they'll probably ask Erik to take it down, but the "damage" has been done--thousands of WWII Online victi...er, fans amused far more by this parody than by the game.

The wonderfully ironic thing about all of this alleged focus on "realism" on the part of CRS is that some games who have actualy performed some quantitative testing on stuff in the game (optics, accuracy, rates of fire, etc.) have found a bunch of questionable stuff, and that's not even counting the oddities in the less technical aspects of the game's simulation of WWII.

You know what else could be construed as a "misrepresentation of you product"? The box!

Thank you!

"You know what else could be construed as a "misrepresentation of you product"?
The box!

Game, set, match.

I already said it once, I'll say it again: I am continually amazed what people are willing to put up with in the name of entertainment. I have several friends who play WW2 online and enjoy it despite its laundry list of obvious faults and problems. They don't even bother defending the game, they just say "yeah, you're right".. and soldier on, so to speak.

If nothing else, this shows that many gamers really do value innovation. Maybe too much in this case.

Well, I won't criticize someone for playing a game they like, even it is a pile of poop. Hell, I've played WWII Online more than I care to admit, mainly because I'm a big fan of WWII stuff and shooters, and tank games, so it's kind of a natural. But it's still an unholy mess, and given the choice I'll fire up Diablo II: LoD (though I do want to check out WWII Online again after the upcoming megapatch. Assuming the game will actually work after the patch).

You assume much, grasshopper...

Hi. My name is Jeff, and I am a WWII Online player.

(The crowd): Hi, Jeff.

I don't know what my problem is. I like WWII Online. Ya know, when I first tried it. It made me a little sick, but then I sorta got use to that feeling. In fact becuase of WWII Online all my other games "seem" to load faster, and thier graphics look "better" now. And boy-oh-boy do those framerates fly now. ;)

But seriously, I do play it and I do like it alot...dare I say "love"? *shudder* Just to prove this insanity is real, right now in the game there is this "Go" button bug. That is, you use the "Go" button to launch into a certain base to "spawn". Well, right now.. the damn button only works some of the time. This is so bad that some people have joked that the bug fix for this will be relabelling the button to "Might Go". Even with this problem, which has pissed me off greatly at times, I STILL KEEP PLAYING. I'm like some damn hamster that keeps pressing on the "reward button" like some drug addeled lunatic waiting for the eventual prize. Man, I need help.

But there it is. The damn game is fun. Even IF it is not accurate, buggy as all hell, and missing most of the promised features.

Pretty sad, huh?

Jeff

"But there it is. The damn game is fun. Even IF it is not accurate, buggy as all hell, and missing most of the promised features.

Pretty sad, huh?"

It's the lack of a competing game. WWII Online provides a unique gaming experience, for good or bad.

If enough subscribers hang around Cornered Rat may be able to fix the game eventually. Ultima Online went from a being a pile of poop to a pretty good game.

WW2OL Anonymous: funny.

"Might Go" button: priceless

I can't explain it, but I feel the same way. The only thing that prevents me from hopping into games every day to see whats up, and to see if I can get a little action in, is the 15 minute load times. Its a nice game for someone who doesn't want to spend forever on it to be good at it. I play German riflemen and submachinegunners(depending on whether I'm attacking or defending), and close combat is such a thrilling mixture of nerves, reflexes, a little skill, and lag. If they manage to put in the full features, even if its just one world and a crude chain of command system, this game will have huge staying power.

Now if every time I log on it isn't friggin' night time I'd be happy.

We found the OMM article initially pretty funny. Requesting them to take it down I don't think crossed our minds -- but it does seem somewhat questionable.

I think with the v1.20 patch coming out hopefully Monday that the performance increase will be such that you'll find it pretty exciting. The initial spawn time is generally the same -- but re-spawning is, as far as I've experienced, generally instantaneous. Load time has also been cut down by quite a bit.

There's a bunch of other stuff but those are biggies obviously.

--- Alan

I'm convinced that the people playing WW2 Online are in love with the IDEA to the point where they fail to recognize that there's no game there. Not a functional one, by any stretch. Or at least if they realize it, they ignore it.

So it's buggy, broken, the servers don't work, and even if it all DID work it would still be ugly, slow, and needlessly complex to play. But hey, you get to dress up like you're in WW2 and run around Europe with a bunch of other guys! And for some people that's enough.

At least, until they get their first credit card bill with the WW2 Online charge and it hits home that they're paying for it. Then they'll be off like a prom dress.

"At least, until they get their first credit card bill with the WW2 Online charge and it hits home that they're paying for it. Then they'll be off like a prom dress."

I think the people that are enjoying it now won't balk at the $10/month once it kicks in. Anyone who can look past some of the, ah, questionable design decisions, incomplete features, and conspicuous bugs is probably skilled enough at rationalization to part with the $10.

I'm glad to see Alan commenting here and I'm looking forward to seeing v1.20, but I think the load times are the least of WW2OL's problems. Get a working game in there and I'd happily sit for the 5 minutes it takes to get into the game world.

-Tom

>Anyone who can look past some of the, ah, questionable design decisions, incomplete features, and conspicuous bugs is probably skilled enough at rationalization to part with the $10.

Good point.

From my vantage point loading times and frame rates have been one of the biggest player-dominated complaints about the game, though connection problems and CTDs are right up there as well. This is not to say other problems are being addressed -- they are. In my personal opinion five minute loading times and respawns are probably something we could do without.

--- Alan

Yes, there are design problems.

I have been playing alot for the the past couple weeks and this has allowed me to see a few real design flaws in the game. These flaws can make the game annoying at times, but as far as unplayable? Hardly...

BTW! Hey! I didn't know the patch was coming out today! Rock-in-roll! Looks like someone might be cutting out of work a little early today....

Jeff

Well we had planned for today. As of right now it's not out yet.

--- Alan

Alan,

Looks like you let the cat out of the bag...

The revieling of the Alt-Tab cheat in your update on the WWII Online website resulted in the mass cheating of now all players in the game.

I tried to play last night and the game was completely unplayable. Every Brit tank I was going up against was INVISIBLE or they were blinking in and out.

Get that patch out soon... please.

Jeff