You gotta love Elvis Mitchell's opening paragraph in today's Times:

"Sitting through the lavish and dumb action spectacular "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" is about as much fun as watching someone else play a video game. The lavish part comes in the visuals; this movie looks like an 11-year-old American's dream version of Europe."

Ouch.

Full Review

Hasn't anyone out there seen this movie and liked it?

Is there a nude patch?

Heh. If there were, then people would go see it!

(Yeah, like there are guys in this world who haven't seen Angelina Jolie nekkid...)

It's just that I haven't seen her naked ENOUGH, you know?

She looks far better these days than she did back in her Gia days, too, I think.

>Hasn't anyone out there seen this movie and liked it?

Ebert, because he insists on continuing to demonstrate that he has become a gibbering idiot: http://www.suntimes.com/output/ebert1/lara15f.html

A once respected critic has become a complete stiff in the past 5 years. Maybe he was bumped off back then, and Sony replaced him.

Stefan

Heh. I like that review. Particularly this last paragraph:

"Did I enjoy the movie? Yes. Is it up there with the Indiana Jones pictures? No, although its art direction and set design are (especially in the tomb with all the dead roots hanging down like tendrils). Was I filled with suspense? No. Since I had no idea what was going to happen, should happen, shouldn't happen or what it meant if it did happen, I could hardly be expected to care. But did I grin with delight at the absurdity it all? You betcha."

That basically sums up how I feel about a lot of movies. If I can sit there and enjoy it, and smile through, and laugh a little bit, it doesn't bother me if the actors are not great or the plot's a little thin. When it starts to detract from my enjoyment of the movie, that sort of stuff bothers me, but not in every case.

Desslock, Ebert just called you a "churl". You gonna take that? Huh?

-Andrew

A couple interesting things in the New York Times review of the movie are:

"...the director Simon West has turned his hand to adapting the slaver-fest computer game 'Tomb Raider,' the pinnacle of geek culture, to the big screen."

and

"This is probably the best translation of virtual warfare into a movie, which doesn't mean much in a field that also includes the likes of 'Super Mario Brothers' and 'Mortal Kombat.'"

He also gets shots in at Maxim and Taco Bell. I thought the "pinnacle of geek culture" line was amusing.

"He also gets shots in at Maxim and Taco Bell. I thought the "pinnacle of geek culture" line was amusing."

Indeed, and so is the dependent clause of that same sentence:

"After the dual triumphs of "Con Air" (one of the stupidest movies ever made) and "The General's Daughter" (which set new standards in misogyny),"

Love that "dual triumphs" line.

"slaver-fest"?

He means that the players slaver over Laura Croft.

"She's in less danger because she's probably in better shape than the recliner vegetables (a number that includes me) working their joysticks."

I haven't seen the movie but I will say this: Ebert's a better writer.

I caught this thread at Desslock's post and missed that John had already posted a link to the NYT review. Oops.

Ebert is like every other reviewer-- he's not infallible.

Actually, I'm tempted to see the movie if Ebert liked it. The pudgy one may be off now and then, but he's rarely completely wrong.

You know who's really weird? Mr "I gave Sixth Sense a 6 out of 100" over at Mr. Showbiz. That guy is a freak, and I totally don't trust his opinion after that fiasco. Which is why I pretty much disregarded his TR review. C'mon. SIX? out of a HUNDRED? This isn't "Dude, Where's My Car" we're talking about here.

Actually, I've heard some really good things about Dude, Where's My Car? I really want to see that. It reminds me of me and my best friend a few years back, in some ways...

I'm looking forward to seeing Tomb Raider, too, but it really doesn't have anything to do with Ebert's review. I don't agree with him (or disagree, for that matter) often enough for his opinion to mean anything to me. But, we've already established that I have weird taste in movies.

Probably the only movie I'm going to see this summer is Final Fantasy... and it damn well better be good.

Also, why doesn't anyone ever mention Harry Knowles? The SCARY guy from aintitcoolnews.com

>why doesn't anyone ever mention Harry Knowles

I read Harry's site, and have even written for it in the past - but think he's a pretty bad "reviewer". I think "Moriarty"'s writing and reviewing is outstanding, however. He's probably the "reviewer" I agree with the most.

>I'm tempted to see the movie if Ebert liked it. The pudgy one may be off now and then, but he's rarely completely wrong

I think he's been wrong a lot over the past few years. Here's some notable examples:

He thought these were good movies:
- 8mm
- Anaconda
- Driven
- Hannibal
- Bicentenial Man
- Double Jeopardy
- Dudly Do-Right
- Six Days, Seven Nights

and yet thought these were bad movies:
- Snatch
- Gladiator
- Erin Brockovich
- Fight Club

You didn't like Fight Club? Man, I really enjoyed it. Gladiator I thought was dull, but Fight Club was great.

I just saw Swordfish today. What a silly movie. They tried to glamourize hacking by having this setup with a computer with something like seven flatscreen monitors attached. Then the hacker kept trying to crack a code, and the screen would display his attempts as some kind of graphical rotating cube that he would build as each hack attempt succeeded. Yeah, like that's how hackers work.

And of course the master hacker was a cool guy who could fight and run instead of being some pudgy guy with a voice that cracked.

That said, it was an easy way to spend a couple of hours. I like Travolta. He just has a good screen presence. And I got to see Halle Berry's breasts. Always a plus.

Now should I see Memento? I read a description of it and it sounds like a soap opera plot -- the guy has no short term memory. Amnesia strikes again. Sheesh.

You should be well versed in amnesia by now... as should all gamers.

Last time it happened to me, I woke up in a dark mortuary with this floating skull. Took me at least 60 hours before I had any clue who I was.

>you didn't like Fight Club? Man, I really enjoyed it.

You misunderstood - I was making fun of Ebert for not liking those movies, including Fight Club. I thought Fight Club was one of the best movies of 1999 - which was the best year for movies in a long time.

>Now should I see Memento? I read a description of it and it sounds like a soap opera plot -- the guy has no short term memory. Amnesia strikes again. Sheesh.

Heh, not as common in movies as in games. Go to Memento.

Stefan

"Gladiator I thought was dull"

I wouldn't call it dull. It was entertaining enough, if in a very mechanical and by the numbers sort of way. I wish they had done more with the Maximus character, though--there's no real character development throughout the entire film. The sum total of his motivation is "he's really, really mad." That was a little disappointing.

"I'm tempted to see the movie if Ebert liked it. The pudgy one may be off now and then, but he's rarely completely wrong"

I read all of his reviews, if only because they are so well written (although not always on target). Michael Wilmington over at the Chicago Tribune is a better critic, however.

"I wouldn't call it dull. It was entertaining enough, if in a very mechanical and by the numbers sort of way."

That pretty well summarizes my reaction to Gladiator. It just felt "thinner" than I expected, more one dimensional than such a premise could have been. I enjoyed it, but it never really sucked me in.

"I wouldn't call it dull. It was entertaining enough, if in a very mechanical and by the numbers sort of way."
That's my problem with Ridley Scott in general. You can tell the guy is really trying to reel you in and get you on the edge of your seat, only succeeding in making you lean forward to reach for your drink. But he's more shylock than Hithcock, sadly. He substitutes fast camera shifts for true intensity, creating a sort of robotic ultraviolence that just doesn't satisfy. The Gladiator classic example of this was the fight between Maximus and, uh, GoldenMaskimus (okay, I forgot his name-the guy in the gold mask). It was very robotic, if you look past the short angle shots. The fight against the chariots actually seemed okay to me, which really disappointed when the later fights were so fully predictable.

Go see Shrek!

"(Yeah, like there are guys in this world who haven't seen Angelina Jolie nekkid...) "
I've never seen her nekked. I didn't know she did nekked. It doesn't matter, though. She really is about as beautfiful as she could be, even in clothes.

Not a word, Asher!

Sigh.

Go rent Gia. Or, ah, I think Pushing Tin. (She looked better in that, but was less nekkid.) Not that I'm the expert on Angelina Jolie nekkid. I've never even seen Pushing Tin, so I could be mistaken on that one, but that's what I've heard.

I didn't even know who she was when I saw Gia...

"That's my problem with Ridley Scott in general."

He used to be better, though. Alien and Blade Runner (one of my favorite movies) were a lot better than anything he's done in the last ten years.

"He used to be better, though. Alien and Blade Runner (one of my favorite movies)were a lot better than anything he's done in the last ten years."

Yeah, Blade Runner, especially the director's cut w/o the narration and tacked-on happy ending, remains my favorite SF movie. Based on what I've been reading so far, I have hopes for AI. Critics who have seen it say that the Kubrick influence offsets Spielberg's instinct for the warm and fuzzy in interesting ways.

"Now should I see Memento?"

Mark, is that a joke? How can you be associated with Tom Chick and ask a question like that?

Has to be a joke.

Amanpour

My zero interest in seeing Tomb Raider descended into negative numbers by reading the most recent Premiere article on the film.

Simon West went through a Writer's Guild arbitration in order to get his name affixed as one of the "writers" of the "script." He'd never, apparently, penned a feature before, and after adding what I'm sure was literary brilliance to a script that had already been through about ten other writers, he had the following to say:

"But West insists that the writing itself was a breeze. 'It's easy to throw a bunch of ideas down on a sheet of paper,' he says. 'But you go shoot all this stuff, and you realize you've got to pull of this incredible fantasy world. It's a huge juggernaut, and it's careening toward the release date."

Well, thanks Simon! We who are about to write salute you.

I'd say that ranks right up there with George Lucas describing screenwriting as boring, "like writing a term paper." What a surprise that this quote came from him during the process of creating Episode I.

Amanpour

"What a surprise that this quote came from him during the process of creating Episode I."

Which reminds me, has anyone here seen the "Phantom Edit?"

I have.

=)

So, Ben, care to describe what you've seen? =)

I haven't. Never even heard of it.

The "Phantom Edit" is a fan cut, VHS only--since its from a VHS tape, of Episode I. From what I hear it cuts out most of the Jar-Jar scenes as well as the most cloying of the Anakin scenes.

Ah, I see. Well, I know that I'm about the only one around here, but I thought TPM was pretty darn great in its original, uncut version. It's on my favorites list. Jar-Jar didn't bother me one bit (my wife loves him), and neither did Anakin. But, I'm pretty forgiving of movies, I think.

And I still contend that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan in Ep. I were the coolest Jedi we've ever seen. That opening scene was great -- especially the lightsaber going through the blast door!

"And I still contend that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan in Ep. I were the coolest Jedi we've ever seen. That opening scene was great -- especially the lightsaber going through the blast door!"

That was good and the fight with the red-faced guy was good also. I was quite disappointed in the movie overall, though.

Amanpour, I have less than zero interest in Tomb Raider also. I got my fill of brainless summer action movies with the Mummy flick and Swordfish. In fact, those will probably sate my movie watching desires for several months.

I want to see Shrek. I have been reading good things about it.

I really liked Shrek. All through the movie, it sets you up for very familiar situations, then turns them all on their heel in some way or another. I got dragged to it, and was very pleased when I realized it wasn't really a kids' movie.

"Based on what I've been reading so far, I have hopes for AI. Critics who have seen it say that the Kubrick influence offsets Spielberg's instinct for the warm and fuzzy in interesting ways."

Not warm or fuzzy? Note tagline:

His love is real. But he is not.

If that's not cornball, I don't know what is. Besides, wasn't this done (and really badly) with Bicentennial Man? Haley Osmet (or whatever his name is) has gone from being incredible to incredibly annoying.

"I really liked Shrek. All through the movie, it sets you up for very familiar situations, then turns them all on their heel in some way or another. I got dragged to it, and was very pleased when I realized it wasn't really a kids' movie."

I've seen it twice and really enjoyed it both times, but it does still follow a few of those old movie conventions. Like the way both main characters have something to tell each other, but instead of simply blurting it out and ending the movie, they overhear just the right amount of certain conversations to misunderstand everything.

Also, and I read this somewhere I can't recall, but the moral of the movie seems to be: don't judge people by how they look. Awwwww. An ever-honorable message certainly, except the running joke of the film mocks Lithgow's character for his height. So, basically, don't make fun of ugly, fat or smelly people, but have at the midgets.

"So, Ben, care to describe what you've seen? =)"

Sure thing. Overall, I think it cut too much. But then I liked Ep. I (uncut) a lot more than some people did.

The only thing that really bothered me about the movie was Jar Jar, and they do cut an awful lot of Jar Jar out of the movie. But they also cut some interesting dialog between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon (such as in the opening scene, where Obi-Wan says that he senses something "elusive," and Qui-Gon chides him for not keeping his mind on the present).

More troubling, they make a few cuts that create jarring transitions. They drop the whole "going through the planet core scene," along with the scene in which Amidala gets captured. So you go directly from the army approaching the city to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan rescuing Amidala and her entourage. If I hadn't seen the movie before, that would have left me wondering "so how did she get captured?"

It's an interesting edit, though. Some of the changes really do improve the film, others don't.

"Not warm or fuzzy? Note tagline:

His love is real. But he is not.

If that's not cornball, I don't know what is."

The trailer is, without a doubt, awful darn terrible. After watching it, my not-insignificant other made it clear that I'd be seeing this one alone. I don't blame her; if there's one plot that the government should have made sure was kept away from Steven Spielberg, it's "robot boy just wants to love."

Still, the four or five glowing reviews I've read all make it sound as if the trailer misrepresents the film. Though I'm not getting my hopes up... Ah, fuck it: Yes I am. I don't know what's wrong with me.

"Still, the four or five glowing reviews I've read all make it sound as if the trailer misrepresents the film."

Yeah, that's what got my interest--the early reviews, not the trailer. This is from David Ansen's Newsweek review:

"The result is fascinating�a rich, strange, problematical movie full of wild tonal shifts and bravura moviemaking. It�slike nothing else Spielberg has done, though it calls to mind �E.T.,� �Close Encounters� and �Empire of the Sun.� You will also, along the way, think of �2001,� �A Clockwork Orange,� �The Wizard of Oz,� �Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome,� �The Abyss� and, above all, �Pinocchio,� thetale of a puppet who, like the machine-made hero of �A.I.,� wants to become a real boy."

Sounds like it's going to be interesting, even if it doesn't all come together.

A.I.'s the project Kubrick wanted to make next, right? How much of the screenplay is the result of Kubrick's work with it over the years?

"How much of the screenplay is the result of Kubrick's work with it over the years?"

Good question. Again from the Newsweek review:

"Kubrick had been developing the idea for years when he asked Spielberg to direct it. After Kubrick�s death, Spielberg took up the challenge, writing the screenplay himself (his first since �Close Encounters of the Third Kind�) and modeling much of the film�s design on the storyboards and sketches Kubrick had commissioned from comic-book artist Chris Baker."

So a Spielberg screenplay informed by Kubrick. As I say, don't know if it will work, but it sure will be interesting.

I don't know if it will work or not, either, but it has me interested. In the trailer, I absolutely love the scene where the android chick is walking toward the scene (basically just a frame with a face, if I remember correctly) and turns her head, and you can see the lack of a head...If you haven't seen it, I know this isn't going to make any sense, but it's pretty cool.

"So, basically, don't make fun of ugly, fat or smelly people, but have at the midgets. "

Yay! Have at the midgets! Follow the yellow brick road! Oompa Loompa!

Er, ah, what I actually meant to say was that Shrek doesn't actually make so much fun of the shortness of Lithgow as Lithgow's ridiculous and ongoing measures to compensate for it. I think most of the short jokes were inspired by Lithgow's own attitude towards it. Kind of like kids that will zero in on the one thing that really annoys you, and make that their punching bag for the rest of your life, ya?

The commercials for AI look interesting, but I don't know. Um, has anyone seen a trailer for "Cats&Dogs" yet? What did you think of that?

"but instead of simply blurting it out and ending the movie, they overhear just the right amount of certain conversations to misunderstand everything."

I think this plot line reached its opus somewhere around the 3rd season of "Three's Company." Then again, it wasn't much of a peak, was it?

"After watching it, my not-insignificant other made it clear that I'd be seeing this one alone."

Erik, that left me with the mental image of you being lead on a leash by some 10' tall barbarian woman. That would define "not-insignificant" to me. :-)

About A.I., it kinda makes me think it's a rehash of that old movie D.A.R.Y.L. or something - which would not be a good thing at all.

---

Quote:

Um, has anyone seen a trailer for "Cats&Dogs" yet? What did you think of that?

---

My 3 year old definitely wants to see C&D.
I think I'll get a kick out of it too.

I thought it looked funny. Not just kiddy slapstick stuff, but some plot and indirect humor, too. Might be a good light date movie.

I have this stupid weak spot for talking cats.
I've actually been caught watching "Sabrina The Teenage Witch", and I'm actually watching to see Salem (voiced by TV's Nick Bakay) not the teenage witch.


Maybe because I have a black cat that looks just like him...

-Andrew

Speaking of voice acting...Entertainment Weekly posted an article that Knight Rider is coming back, now that Hasslehoff doesn't have Baywatch anymore. The guy that did the voice of KITT is available, and apparently on board with the project.

I was totally unaware of anyone pining away for a return to this show.

Most of Europe is, apparently.
Reruns are a huge hit through Germany. Which only goes to prove Norm MacDonald's old axiom:

"Germans love David Hasslehoff"

why is that? I even remember watching some tidbit on one of those Entertainment news shows afew years back where David Hasslhoff actually does concerts ... ARENA sized sell out type venues. UNBELIEVABLE! Maybe he should have Kitt singing duet with him.

etc

"I have this stupid weak spot for talking cats."

Then surely you've seen the Disney family classic "The Cat From Outer Space?"

"why is that? I even remember watching some tidbit on one of those Entertainment news shows afew years back where David Hasslhoff actually does concerts"

I think it all comes from the fact that women running on the beach in Baywatch is something that doesn't need to be translated far. Hasslehoff (he also has a German name) came to symbolize, you know, realistic beach-running babe America.


Ben: Then surely you've seen the Disney family classic "The Cat From Outer Space?"

With the silver glowy collar? Yes, when I was a kid, I think I even had the movie tie-in book... which is just pathetic.

I'd see Stuart Little but I like EB White too much.
-Andrew

"I'd see Stuart Little but I like EB White too much."

A family friend gave my son the radio-controlled Stuart Little roadster from Radio Shack. It was his first rc car. I must say that his Dad has had a lot of fun playing with it.

"Then surely you've seen the Disney family classic "The Cat From Outer Space?" "

Nah. But the evil snaggle-toothed feline boss-cat in Cat&Dogs has a sort of Boris-and-Natasha appeal to him.

Uh, the cartoon, not the DeNiro Bullwinkle characters.

I also like seeing cats portrayed as the villanous, userous beasts they really are, after having to endure years of "Isn't it so sweet!" comments about the little rodents.

(whistles)