"This game has it all! Tedious missions, a dopey story, and unmanageable combat. What more do you want? How about flat graphics? Uninteresting levels? An awkward save and reload system? But wait, there's more!"

Post your own joke about this game.

It blew up Erik's monitor!

Oh, and as we feel compelled to say nice things about all games, our reviewer was nice enough to point out this positive aspect to the game: "The compact disc is probably incapable of physically hurting anyone."

I dunno, if you flung one hard enough it could stick in someone's head, which would probably hurt.

I told you guys Red Storm was a crappy development house. They just got lucky with Rainbow 6.

Incidentally their offices are about 5 mins from my house. I could go beat up the Freedom dev team if you want.

wumpus http://www.gamebasement.com

"...near the end the female hero and one of the alien cats actually do the dirty. Worse, he's got a cat penis that's much larger than our human ones, so the chick really digs it."

They should have thrown that in the game so all of the Furry-freak gamers would enjoy it.

Mighty cat penis!
Conquerors of space and time,
For human poontang.

Another shit game
Sits on COMPUSA shelf
Soon bargain bin crap

Red Storm realism
Rainbow Six has gone away
Now they make pure shit

I love ka-ka games
Best are ones with pussy jokes
(No offense to cats)

--scharmers

Heh -- nice haiku. In the novel it talked about earth women walking around with silly smiles on their faces after having sex with the aliens.

I don't really get why McCaffery put that in there. It makes the book something of a joke. I don't expect hard sci-fi, but if she wanted to go off the deep end she should have written a fantasy novel. Then you can have the Camel people mating with the Bear people and the Cat people mating with humans, and so on. And they can all get together and go on a quest to find some powerful magic artifact that's been lost for centuries.

Ok, so why do I read these stupid books?

That's pretty funny about Erik's monitor.

At the UO Faire they were setting up their LAN to demo Third Dawn and they hooked it to power source that was too hot. David Swofford told me flames shot out of some of the monitors. Heh.

"Then you can have the Camel people mating with the Bear people and the Cat people mating with humans, and so on. "

What about.. the Cherokee People? Cherokee Pride? So proud to live! So proud to die!

erm, sorry. flashback. I agree, the book sounds really silly, and I thought that even before I knew about the Cat penii. Thanks for sharing!

wumpus http://www.gamebasement.com

Did you know that cat penises (not penii, wumpus; if you are going that route, use the latin "phalli"), in real life, are slightly barbed?

It's so that the female cat can't get away before the male cat is done.

A factoid, brought to you by Scharmers, for you to ponder on.

--scharmers
--penis length enhancement? Fuck that. Penis BARB enhancement. I'll be a fuckin millionare when I get THAT on the open market!

--scharmers

That's interesting. Don't male dogs get a knot in their organs that makes it hard for the female to dislodge as well?

The dolphin penis actually can swivel while engaged in the act. Maybe that's to convince the female that she doesn't really want to disengage?

Gee, now I feel even more inadequate. Mine's just kind of there. No barb. No knot. No swivelling.

Man, a swiveling, barbed, knotted schlong.

That is far, far better than just having Kung-Fu grip.

--scharmers

/me waits for the Jonah Falcon joke.

My wife and I went to the national stock show a few years ago when we lived in Denver. Upon visiting the horses, my wife remarked, "Now I see where the phrase 'hung like a horse' comes from".

As revenge, one of my fidelity tests was asking my wife "who's bigger? me or this?" when we visited the washington monument. That's sort of the masculine version of "do these make my ass look fat?"

Now back to your regularly scheduled penis jokes.

wumpus http://www.gamebasement.com

Wow, no one even played the game long enough to find the horrible memory leak that would eat all your system resources until you had to reboot your machine.

Why is it that the alien race always has men with humungous dongs, and crave our women?? Of course if I had known there was some freak nasty alien sex going on I might not have returned the game so quickly.

"Why is it that the alien race always has men with humungous dongs, and crave our women?? Of course if I had known there was some freak nasty alien sex going on I might not have returned the game so quickly."

I doubt the sex was in the game. The first book of the series (the only one I read) was nothing like the game. I don't even understand why Red Storm bothered to license it. Just make up your own dumb story about upright cats hung like a horse. Toss in some 3D graphics and women with enormous breasts. Have some cool gibs and taunts. Make Gamespy do your network code.

Damn, I should be a game designer!

"Make Gamespy do your network code. "

AND G.O.D. COULD BE THE PUBLISHER (see other thread)! Dear lord, get my agent on the phone! I think we could all be rich!

wumpus http://www.gamebasement.com

MARS NEEDS WOMEN